I Can’t. You Can.
Since last posting, Dave has been in and out of the hospital with extreme headaches and fevers. His body is increasingly weaker and there are episodes of passing out. There is still no leukemia in his body or brain, and we are very grateful for that. But unfortunately he is much weaker. Most of his days are spent in bed, not strong enough for us to get him into the wheelchair. To be perfectly honest, it’s a torment to watch the suffering and struggle of someone you love. God is helping us with that. Yet through it all, Dave continues to trust God, reaching out to others, always studying for the next message. Even from a bed, he loves his kids, his grandkids, and his church. Even with failing physical strength, his heart to serve God is steadfast and his prayers for you are strong.
Today is a big Cedars day, filled with ultrasounds and MRIs. Please pray that God would give Dave the strength he needs. Please pray. Thank you for every one of your prayers.
Each new day holds a grand opportunity. Will we choose to live it on our own, in our own strength? Or will we live our day in the grace, mercy, strength, patience, and power that God graciously offers us? Through this leukemia journey of the last four years, it seems I am still at the very beginnings of learning the mystery of living each day in Christ. The great surrender is saying, “I give. I can’t do this. This is too big. This is too hard. This hurts too much.” That’s exactly where I find myself these days. Maybe some of you are in that place, too.
In a Sunday message a few weeks ago, Andrew shared about this surrender. I needed to hear every word of that message. I’m learning that it’s okay to fall apart. It’s okay to not be strong enough. I thought I was carrying the load with God, but I’m realizing that I’m just now starting to learn what that even is. What it looks like. What it feels like. I so easily revert back into “being the good, strong girl,” but that’s when I’m separating myself from God and trying to do it on my own.
He Can Through Me.
“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” Philippians 4:13
It’s a mystery. It’s a mystery I thought I understood, but it turns out that I didn’t understand it at all. It’s a day-by-day surrender. A day-by-day learning. God continues to reach out to us. His heart is open. He wants us to be honest with our pain and not hide or pretend. He wants us to fall apart in His lap. To simply burst into tears at His feet. I’m learning to live there. And it actually brings peace, comfort, and freedom.
If you don’t attend Inland Hills Church or you missed that message, click here.
It’s well worth the time to watch. Learning the mystery of Christ in me. God doesn’t want us living these hard things on our own. I still have so much to learn.
Thank you, again, for all your prayers. They are much needed.